The Road to Fabulous

“I feel a whole lot more attractive at Wal-Mart than I do at the gym”

A while ago, a friend posted this little blurb about Wal-Mart on Facebook and said that it had garnered the greatest number of responses, likes and shares than anything she’d posted before.This isn’t all that surprising, really. While I’m sure there’s a tiny minority who look in the mirror, wink at themselves, and think, “HeY! You look fabulous, as usual.” it is more likely that most people are a little less egomaniacal. To them mirrors tend to be utilitarian, used to help them shave, floss, check for signs of life, etc. The mirror may not be their best friend, but it’s not the enemy, either. Then there are those of us who prefer not to look in the mirror at all. The best you are going to get from someone in this group on a good day is, “ok, I look bad, but at least I don’t look as hideous as Mrs. X”. This comparison is what I call a “low-point barometer”. The low-point barometer, for the insecure among us, acts a self-esteem monitor/booster. We say to ourselves, “I can’t possibly be the least attractive person on Planet Earth as long as Mrs. X is around”, and it makes us (me) feel a teeny bit better.

Unhappily, twice in the last couple of months, I have been mistaken for someone else. If you’re following along, I’ll bet you can guess whom that might be. Yes, sadly I was mistaken for… my own personal low-point barometer. Karmic justice, I suppose, for keeping a low-point barometer in the first place. For some, there may come a time when the reflection staring back from the mirror is completely unrecognizable and distressing. Perhaps even more horrifying, the reflection looks a lot like your dad’s scary Aunt Edna. So what if you have become someone else’s low-point barometer? What do you do when you realize the image you hold in your mind’s eye is very different from what others see when they look at you?

Some options:

1. Throw yourself off a cliff. Not a great alternative for me, really. There are no suitable cliffs within walking distance, just lots of big hills. Big hills are not terribly useful for this purpose as there is no dramatic drop that would enable one to complete a successful launch into thin air. Graceful as I am, I would be more likely to trip and fall, causing me to roll down the hill and sprain an ankle; this would render the whole undertaking rather pointless. My dog would probably miss me, anyway. 
2. Make a change to one’s personal appearance. Get a dozen tattoos! Liposuction! Spray tan! Ok, well – I got my hair cut. I may not be fabulous, but my haircut is! 
3. Get fit. We all know this will make us look and feel better. I have tried every diet plan known to mankind. There are a gazillion to choose from with more on the horizon every day. Hell, even the TV show GCB has a character that is “Losing it with Jesus” I will bet you dollars to donuts (mmmm…. Donuts) that someone is already trying to cash in on that idea. I am well aware that one needs to eat less and exercise more to effect a “lifestyle change”. It is a tricky thing though, to change your lifestyle. I’ve tried. My lifestyle changes generally last about three days. 
4. Keep a journal. Journaling is supposed to help with self-esteem, weight loss and fitness provided you write down everything you do – every emotion felt, every move made, and every morsel tasted. While I enjoy writing, I generally don’t last more than three days with this method, either. The problem is, that as author and sole reader, the writer is accountable to no one but him or herself.

“I enjoy writing” is the first positive thought I have had in days weeks. It might be productive to write/blog about my journey towards fitness, dismantling my low-point barometer, finding inner peace or… something. I  do not enjoy reading yawn-inducing crap like ‘Day 87: Intake: Two lettuce leaves, a radish and half a peach. Mood: hungry and crabby. Exercise: 10,000 steps. Pounds lost: 0’ and I think that sort of approach may not be of interest to other people, either. Something along the lines of a periodic progress report with random observations could work. I mean, other than weight, what do I have to lose? While the belly-button gazing, potential for public humiliation format is generally better suited to Reality TV, it could also be what keeps me focused and honest- to myself in particular. Hell, looking like I do, I experience a little public humiliation every time I step out my front door anyway; a little more exposure will not kill me.

Besides, if I fail, I can always hang out at Wal-Mart.