Kate's Wild World of Dieting

     People of a “certain age” may remember Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom with Marlon Perkins or The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau. I do not have a burly assistant named Jim who wrestles alligators, nor do I have a French accent, but welcome to The Wild World of Dieting with Kate Hayes anyway.

     Over the years it seems as though I have been on a mission to personally attempt the greatest number of weight loss schemes possible. I have done Weight Watchers (three time drop out), Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, and a couple of other expensive programs whose names I can’t even remember, but one of which replaced two meals a day with a virtually inedible pudding. I have used Slim Fast and a Chinese herbal tea that kept me chained to the bathroom for two days (TMI, sorry). I have tried the Atkins, South Beach, Cabbage Soup and Starvation diets. I have tried low fat, no fat, high protein/low carb. Nothing ever seems to stick. Full disclosure: I once worked for NutriSystem, which is sad. I was even part of a study at OSU involving fat gals over 40 that handed out some nice swag. I haven’t tried hypnotism or voodoo, but the jury’s still out on this, my latest and certainly most public attempt.

     Jeez, you must be wondering, what the hell is wrong with you? You must have figured something along the way. Well, I have. Almost every legit program has you keep a food journal. The idea is to log everything that you eat, what time of day, and sometimes emotions to see if there are pitfalls there that are hindering success. My problem here is follow-through. I’m good for about three or four days, then poof! I’m done. Typically what happens is on Day One I drag out my food scale (purchased during one of my Weight Watcher’s attempts) and measuring cups and spoons. I record everything faithfully, right down to the spray of Pam in the pan and the exact number of almonds in the afternoon snack. Additionally, all snacks are recorded and logged at the appropriate time. Day Two, I’m still weighing but not necessarily measuring, and I’m not as precise in my recording. The ½ & ½ going into the coffee is recorded, but the amount is eyeballed. The snacks are all lumped together at the end of the day. By Day Three I’m writing down the foods but not necessarily the amounts. By Day Four, I’ll usually only record as far as lunch. There never is a Day Five. But many people find that journals really are useful. Luckily in these days of smartphones, there’s an app for that! A quick peek at the app store on my phone shows a couple dozen free journals. One I particularly like is My Fitness Pal. It has graphs, charts, goal setting, and nifty doodads such as a bar scanner. So instead of tediously writing out each and every food, you can scan the bar code on the label and voilà! The app figures out all the calories, etc. That’s pretty handy for a lazy butt like me, I'm never without my phone, and I'm finding it much easier to keep track (made it past day five, at any rate). 

     Something else I’ve learned is that conflicting and confusing information about diet and health abound. Guidelines change as new research comes to light, so it’s kind of hard to know what’s what. The US Department of Agriculture, for instance, urges us all to eat healthfully, and they issue guidelines as to how we should do that. But those guidelines change periodically in accordance with what the newest science reveals about nutrition. Remember the Four Basic Food Groups? (or the Basic 7 if you go back that far) More recently we have had the Food Pyramid, then the new Food Pyramid, and now we have MyPlate (http://www.choosemyplate.gov/), an easier graphic to understand. Even within various paid plans there can be misunderstanding. Weight Watchers®, for instance, has a great thing going with their Points Plus™ program. It works for lots of people. But if Joe Schmoe chooses to spend all his points on Peanut M&M’s just because he can, then even Weight Watchers® becomes a diet bust for this guy, who is clearly an idiot who’s missing the point (no pun intended).

     One thing that has been a consistent road block for me is portion control. I don’t think that most people have a clue as to what correct portion sizes look like. When you read about portion control, you are told that a serving of protein is about the size of a deck of cards and a serving of fruit should be the size of a tennis ball, among other things. I know that’s supposed to give you an everyday reference, but I don’t find it to be particularly helpful. Adding to the confusion is how portions and sizes are named, which can be misleading. An order of small fries at a fast food joint today was considered a large back in the day. They didn’t have what we consider to be large or (yikes), super-sized. Even the average dinner plate is larger today than in the past. I read somewhere once that they are 30% larger than they were 30 or 40 years ago (Honest to goodness actual science-guy info here.) Many of us are loyal members of the Clean Plate Club and our eyes, rather than our stomachs, tell us when we’re full (more fun with science!); we are easily consuming much more than we should every day. Even if we’re eating healthfully, too much of a good thing is still too much. One of the learning tools the researchers in the study at OSU used were realistic-looking and appropriately portion-sized food shapes (finely crafted in a polymer resin). It was surprising even to me, a food weighing and measuring veteran, what actual portion sizes looked like. They seemed so teeny! Have you ever measured out a cup of spaghetti?  It’s easy to see why knowing how much to eat in one sitting is such a sticking point with people.

     So what I’ve taken away from my many, many attempts to lose weight lo, these many decades, boils down to a few simple-sounding concepts. Be aware of what and how much you're actually eating. Write it down. Use paper and pen, a phone app, whatever, but you might be surprised at how many pretzels you're absent-mindedly scarfing down at your desk during the day. Educate yourself about proper nutrition. How much does a person of your age, height, weight and gender need to eat? What kinds of foods should you be eating for optimal health and weight loss? Finally, size matters. Keep an eye on the size of the portions you eat. What you think of as one serving may actually be two (Think about your average bagel. It can easily be two or more servings.) 

     I am not following any particular plan these days. I eat pretty much when I’m hungry and I’m eating healthfully but I’m also eating less and I’m eating smaller. Portion control! If I want a treat at the end of the day, I have a treat. But it’s one cookie instead of three or a kid’s cone rather than a regular. I'm also tracking it to make sure I'm getting all the vitamins, etc. that I need. Will the same thing work for you? I don’t know. It’s really still a work in progress for me. Cooking for the family, for example, presents a big challenge – I tend to nibble while I cook. But about 16 lbs. are gone so far, so something is going right.

      Next time we'll discuss something even more basic: burn more calories than you consume. While we ponder that, I will leave you with this story arc from one of my all-time favorite comic strips, Bloom County, by Berke Breathed.